There is more than enough information on the Internet to help you make the right decision about whether or not you should go back to work after having a baby, but I thought I would add my two cents anyways, and let you know you don't need a website or blog to tell you what to do. (Ironic? ha ha)
After giving birth to my daughter I fought tooth and nail with my husband that I didn't want to return to work once my year of maternity leave was up. My reasoning was mostly that I would miss out on getting to raise her. When the time came for me to go back, my husband made it clear that there was no way we could afford for me to stay home, so back to work I went, and it lasted about 5 months. We learnt a lot during that 5 months, and it ultimately helped us make the decision for me to be a stay-at-home mom.
While we were both working full-time (I had a job that was supposed to be an "at home opportunity" but in reality I was travelling about 3 hours a day, going to meetings, meeting with clients, finding places for seminars, etc. all for commission) we noticed that nothing else was getting done. I was exhausted by the end of the day. There was no time for laundry, cleaning, or cooking. I found myself having to use my weekends (which were supposed to be my days off) to do all that stuff. We did not have time for Adalyn, and we definitely did not have time for each other. It was getting to the point where we would come home, have an hour for us and her, and then it was time to get everyone to bed for work the next morning. I slowly felt myself loosing sense of what was important to me and to my family. I cried so many nights to my husband saying "I am missing out on my daughter, I'm missing out on so many experiences with her."
My other option was to quit the full-time job and go get a part-time job. I don't have any sort of post-secondary education so my options were either go back to retail or go get a job as a server. Here's where that would have put us; I would have been working in order to pay for day-care. It didn't make any sense. Hiring a babysitter would have been a little less expensive, but most of my paychecks would still be going out the window, and again it would have been someone else raising Addie. We also thought about the possibility of me going back to school and getting some sort of career, but we didn't have the funds for that, and I'm still not sure what kind of career I want. No sense in spending $10,000 on something I'm not sure of anyways.
So we sat down together, and wrote down all of the pros and cons of me staying home. The biggest con being the issue of money and bills. The biggest pro being that I got to raise my daughter and take care of everything that needed to be dealt with on a daily basis. We decided that the pros outweighed the cons, and that we would just have to watch our spending and cut out some unnecessary bills. I am so thankful that my husband ended up being understanding and seeing things in a new light instead of "what about money?" He ended up agreeing that me raising our daughter and making our house a place that he is happy to come home to everyday was well worth it.
With all this being said, being a stay-at-home mom is not for everyone, nor do I think that every woman should be one. I'm not going to shove how awful going back to work is down your throat, because for some people it's not! If you have an amazing career, are passionate about what you do, but you still want to have kids, absolutely! Who says you can't be an incredible mom, work full-time and still instill all the values you want in your children? Especially if you can afford to get someone to take care of the little things like housekeeping, daycare, and running errands. Going back to work means being able to afford much more, and provide more for your family. It means having more disposable income, but it also means having less time to spend with your family. I found out what my limits were after returning to work, what things were important to me, and what I was willing to give up. Whatever someone decides is their choice, and there is no bad option.
I have been at home almost 6 months now, and I can say without hesitation it was the right decision. I feel so much better. Everything gets done, and I don't have to wonder what I'm missing out on with my daughter. Sure some days I want to pull my hair out and wish there was a bottle of wine available to me, but I wouldn't trade it for going back to work. Yes sometimes money is tight, but I have learnt to better manage our money now that we have a little less of it. Whatever you decide, just make sure you stay true to yourself, and do whats best for you and your family.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
Friday 27 July 2012
Saturday 7 July 2012
The Heart of the Matter.
I have had something that has been heavy on my heart lately. Actually, it's been heavy on my heart since I was a young girl, but it's just sort of popped up again as of lately. I'm sure almost everyone who reads this can attest to it. Throughout my life and a lot lately, I have seen a lot of people who's hearts are not right, who look to destroy others, who have done awful things to get ahead in life or for the fun of it, and who are just plain right nasty, being showered with adoration, praise, rewards, and loyalty from people around them, getting anything and everything, and being pretty well off in life. I tried to word that very carefully. My point of view on people is in their hearts, not what they have or what they can do for me, or how good they look. I know a lot of people that have blessed a person with one hand and slapped them in the face with the other. I know people who give to others just to hold it over their heads, and I know people who seek to destroy people's lives, and I know those kinds of people tend to thrive quite efficiently most of the time. I'm just really disheartened by it, because I know so many people who's hearts are so wonderful, who give when they have nothing, who love incredibly, who have so much character, who struggle their whole lives, and have people that will constantly not give them the time of day.
When I was little, I would always be asking God, my mom, my Sunday school teachers, and anyone that would listen "Why do bad people always get everything, and good people get nothing? It makes me think that being good isn't worth it and that by being bad I can get anything I want!" I was then constantly reminded of the many scripture verses that said something along the lines of "Your reward will be in heaven." and to keep being good, or I'd be grounded anyways (lol mom.) But there were times when I honestly thought "screw it, its not worth being good!" Now that I've somewhat grown up, this question has translated into "As long as you can put on a good show, and people think you have lots of money, it doesn't matter about your heart or how you got there." So basically my entire life's teachings hold no merit with a lot of people. I wish so badly more people could understand that it doesn't matter what you can get your hands on before you die, because they mean nothing once your dead. If you have stepped on everyone head to get to the top, there will be no one at your funeral Not that it really matters because you won't be there either, heh. And most importantly, your only reward is a mere 70 or 80 years if your lucky. That goes by SO fast. In the spectrum of the history of the world, 80 years is the blink of an eye. I wish more people understood that their heart is the most important thing in life, and that by serving others, and that having good, honest relationships goes beyond your life and into the generations to come.
The only comfort I get from God on this is that I know that it is not up to me to determine what is "good" and what is "bad". For all I know, something that I think is bad or evil could be God working through someone or something, heck He could even be working on me (He probably is.) He has everything mapped out, and His plan may not make sense to me, but it is perfect. Still, this will continue to make me sad, as I see more people who's hearts are not right, get everything handed to them on a silver spoon. I hope soon, God can help me work through this where I won't care so much about it. Until then, I'll just have to keep track on my own heart, give without wanting anything in return, and trying to make sure I don't hurt anyone else in order to get ahead in life.
Until my next post...
Cheers.
When I was little, I would always be asking God, my mom, my Sunday school teachers, and anyone that would listen "Why do bad people always get everything, and good people get nothing? It makes me think that being good isn't worth it and that by being bad I can get anything I want!" I was then constantly reminded of the many scripture verses that said something along the lines of "Your reward will be in heaven." and to keep being good, or I'd be grounded anyways (lol mom.) But there were times when I honestly thought "screw it, its not worth being good!" Now that I've somewhat grown up, this question has translated into "As long as you can put on a good show, and people think you have lots of money, it doesn't matter about your heart or how you got there." So basically my entire life's teachings hold no merit with a lot of people. I wish so badly more people could understand that it doesn't matter what you can get your hands on before you die, because they mean nothing once your dead. If you have stepped on everyone head to get to the top, there will be no one at your funeral Not that it really matters because you won't be there either, heh. And most importantly, your only reward is a mere 70 or 80 years if your lucky. That goes by SO fast. In the spectrum of the history of the world, 80 years is the blink of an eye. I wish more people understood that their heart is the most important thing in life, and that by serving others, and that having good, honest relationships goes beyond your life and into the generations to come.
The only comfort I get from God on this is that I know that it is not up to me to determine what is "good" and what is "bad". For all I know, something that I think is bad or evil could be God working through someone or something, heck He could even be working on me (He probably is.) He has everything mapped out, and His plan may not make sense to me, but it is perfect. Still, this will continue to make me sad, as I see more people who's hearts are not right, get everything handed to them on a silver spoon. I hope soon, God can help me work through this where I won't care so much about it. Until then, I'll just have to keep track on my own heart, give without wanting anything in return, and trying to make sure I don't hurt anyone else in order to get ahead in life.
Until my next post...
Cheers.
Tuesday 19 June 2012
My First Year As a Mommy
So I haven't written a post in a couple months mostly because I've been so friggin' busy chasing around my daughter, but also mostly because I had no clue what I wanted to write about. So I decided to write this post about my experience of motherhood so far. Now that my little girl has officially turned one I am happy to say, I MADE IT THROUGH MY FIRST YEAR AS A MOM! Whoa, it's crazy to think that, let alone SAY it. I am sure everyone has heard it a hundred, maybe even a thousand times, and I'm sure every time they've heard it they nod and think nothing of it, but the first year seriously does go by at lightning speed. Until you have a child you will not understand the statement. I have said it before... if you want time to speed up or go by quickly, have a child. Unless of course you are nowhere near ready to have a child, then maybe just invent time travel. I could write a book about everything that this year has taught me. To keep it short and sweet, here is a list of the 3 big things this past year has taught me.
1.
When I was pregnant I thought I had pretty much everything thought out. I had thought of what I would do when certain situations arose. I knew for sure I would stay cool and collected. I was doing well until the day that Adalyn put something in her mouth while I was preparing her lunch, about 2 months ago. She started choking, and making sounds like she couldn't breath. I grabbed her and screamed "MOM! MOM! 911! 911!" Of course my mother was at work, and nowhere near the vicinity of where she was able to hear me. I grabbed my cellphone and was about to dial 911, when she coughed up what looked like a piece of old toast that was left on the floor somewhere. I can laugh about it now, and how hysterical I got in a matter of seconds, but at that moment it was one of the most terrifying experiences' of my life. It is absolutely insane how much you worry about your children on a daily basis. For all the mom's that are pregnant right now and think "oh man, once I get past my 1st trimester I'll stop worrying. Once I hear the heartbeat, I'll stop worrying. Once I get to full-term, I'll stop worrying. Once I've given birth to the baby, I'll stop worrying." (I said every single one of those statements throughout my pregnancy.) I have some very serious news for you, you will worry EVERY SINGLE DAY, for the rest of your life. As hard as I try not to worry, it still happens. I know that everything is in God's hand, and that I can't change any outcome by worrying. It still creeps up on you when it comes to your child.
2.
I really have to give props to all the moms I had judged in my heart before I was a mom. I watched them and thought there was no way I would let my baby do, eat, act, sleep, and ALL the other things that those moms did or let their kids do. I now realize that we are all just human beings trying to do the best we can with what we've got. Children are exhausting. Running on low fumes, getting 2 hours of sleep at night, trying to be "parent of the year", keeping the fort down, and trying to stay sexy for your husband, are things that superwoman may be capable of, but probably not. Parenting styles are very different between people, and one is no better than the other. Kids are so different from one another, with so many different personalities and sensitivities, that one universal parenting method would not work. Once I became a mother I was scolded for so many things. Not breastfeeding exclusively for a year was one thing. And I have one thing to say to those people, FORMULA IS NOT POISON! I know that it's most beneficial for babies to be breastfed. I tried. I tried my hardest. It did not work for me. And for future moms, the best you can do is try, try your hardest. If it doesn't work, it's okay! Don't beat yourself up about it, your child will turn out just fine on formula. Other things such as co-sleeping, starting my baby on food before 6 months, not letting her "cry-it-out", among other things were taboo for some, and mantra's for others. I felt that judgement that I had casted upon so many moms' before me. So if you are one of those women who is currently looking at your group of friends and their kids and thinking "man, I would be SO much better at parenting than her." By all means, babysit her kid(s) for one day. I can guarantee you'll change your mind and your heart about her.
3.
I did not know the true capacity of love, until I had child. I knew how to love. I loved many people in my life. I loved my husband, I loved my dog, I loved my family, my friends. I knew what unconditional love was, but I had not experienced it. It's a little hard to explain, but I'll try. Unconditional love means that you love someone on a "non-conditional" basis. Meaning, no matter what they do, your heart will continue to love them, and love them entirely. I know many people like to think that they love their spouses unconditionally, but when you really sit down and think about it, spousal love is very conditional. If my husband were to do something that I did not approve of, it would change the condition of my love for him. Things like being unfaithful, bad habits, not being loyal, lying, all change the conditions of love in a marriage or partnership. When it comes to my daughter, my love will not change based on conditions. This is why you hear of mothers who's children are mass murder's, convicted criminals, or the mom of the bully at the school, who love their children despite of what they have done or who they are. Having my daughter opened my eyes up to a whole new sort of love. My heart has overflowed with something that I cannot describe or put into words. It gave me a better understanding of God's incredible love for us, and how He is able to love us unconditionally. I have started to understand the heart of God on a deeper and more personal level, because of the love I've experienced for my daughter. If I love her this much, I can't even imagine His love for her, and me, and everyone else.
This year has brought so many other things with it. I have learnt more about myself during 1 year as a mother, than I had the 23 years prior to it. I now get what my mom and dad meant when they were saying "this hurts me more than it hurts you." I cannot believe all the things I did that probably broke my moms heart to see me do, and all she could do was pray that it somehow helped me grow. I have watched Adalyn grow this past year, and her spirit is so sweet, it is contagious. She is a light to everyone she meets. Her heart is compassionate, and she loves when everyone is in celebration. Mauro and I had hard road to conceive Adalyn, and we've just learned that having another child might not be a possibility for us, health-wise. I am so thankful that God gave us a break, that we conceived Adalyn, that He brought her into this world, and that He has given us the privilege and honor of being her parents and teaching her His heart. She is my little soul mate, and I am so happy I get to spend the rest of my life being her mommy. I truly believe this is what I was created for. To be the best mommy I can be, to the most incredible little girl I have ever met.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
Wednesday 9 May 2012
Thursday 3 May 2012
Keep Calm, and Carry On.
Truer words have never been said. I really think that everyone needs to not just look at these words, but really absorb them. So many times in life, we think a catastrophic series of events has come our way and there is no hope for us, when really we just haven't paid our cellphone bill yet, or a shirt doesn't come in our size in the color and cut that we want. My mother told me a couple months ago "Its always only a day or two away from being okay again." When I look back on many of the struggles, issues, and catastrophic events in my life, it really was only a day away from being okay again. If I could have just lived in that present situation, it really wouldn't have been as bad as I thought it was.
I think many of us struggle with thinking the worst in everyone or every situation. Someone cuts us off in line at a grocery store, "AWWWHH HELL NO!" A customer service agent gives us attitude on the phone, "I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH YOUR CEO!" A shirt was on sale when you went to the store last week, but isn't anymore, "WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS DO YOU PEOPLE RUN HERE?!" They run out of your favourite ice cream flavour at your favourite ice cream store, "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!" Do you see where I'm getting at here? When we look back, we can probably see that we went on a bunch of vendetta's over such petty things. We thought the world was coming to an end but I assure you, it wasn't. We're all still here, and so are you. Move on with your day, it's not really that big of a deal.
In so many situations, it's so important to realize that it's not that important! Sometimes, there really is nothing you can do about it, so in that case, don't worry about it! Other times, you can choose to make a scene and cause a ruckus, but why not take the high road out? The amount of time we spend worrying, stressing, and being angry could be harvested in so many other and better ways. Your bills are overdue, you don't get paid for another two weeks. Instead of spending that entire two weeks being stressed, depressed and irritable, why not let it go, accept the fact that you can't pay those bills right away and hug your kids, or your cat. It's only two weeks from being okay again.
Please understand I am not saying that people do not experience catastrophic or tragic events. There are times when the world really is crumbling from underneath us and we are in so much pain and grief that it hurts to breath. I firmly believe that grief is healthy and needed, and that you should grieve until you don't need to anymore. All I am saying is that we need to start differentiating when that is happening and when it isn't.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
I think many of us struggle with thinking the worst in everyone or every situation. Someone cuts us off in line at a grocery store, "AWWWHH HELL NO!" A customer service agent gives us attitude on the phone, "I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH YOUR CEO!" A shirt was on sale when you went to the store last week, but isn't anymore, "WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS DO YOU PEOPLE RUN HERE?!" They run out of your favourite ice cream flavour at your favourite ice cream store, "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME!" Do you see where I'm getting at here? When we look back, we can probably see that we went on a bunch of vendetta's over such petty things. We thought the world was coming to an end but I assure you, it wasn't. We're all still here, and so are you. Move on with your day, it's not really that big of a deal.
In so many situations, it's so important to realize that it's not that important! Sometimes, there really is nothing you can do about it, so in that case, don't worry about it! Other times, you can choose to make a scene and cause a ruckus, but why not take the high road out? The amount of time we spend worrying, stressing, and being angry could be harvested in so many other and better ways. Your bills are overdue, you don't get paid for another two weeks. Instead of spending that entire two weeks being stressed, depressed and irritable, why not let it go, accept the fact that you can't pay those bills right away and hug your kids, or your cat. It's only two weeks from being okay again.
Please understand I am not saying that people do not experience catastrophic or tragic events. There are times when the world really is crumbling from underneath us and we are in so much pain and grief that it hurts to breath. I firmly believe that grief is healthy and needed, and that you should grieve until you don't need to anymore. All I am saying is that we need to start differentiating when that is happening and when it isn't.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
Monday 2 April 2012
shyness vs.arrogance
So I have a little bit of a problem, and most people who know me are going think "absolutely NOT!", but... I am kind of, a little bit, shy. Yes I know. Me? Shy? I'll explain it.
Whether it's a stranger or someone I've known for years and years, and I see them randomly somewhere I am not expecting to see them and we make eye contact I'll either 1. turn my glance away quickly before they've noticed or 2. Dammit, we both made eye contact and now we have to say hello. NOW, depending on how well I know the person I'll actually stop to say hello without any hesitation and carry out small talk (I think small talk is so awkward). But usually what happens is that I'm completely afraid that if I stop and say hello to said person, they will just keep walking and I'll look like an idiot in front of what I'm sure is EVERYONE in the mall,who just so happened to stop what they were doing to watch this incident go down. Yes, this is actually what runs through my mind in the span of 0.2 seconds while I decide whether or not to merely say HELLO to you. And saying hello to a complete stranger who has smiled at me? Out of the question. I may smile awkwardly back at them and quickly pace away, but never would I ever say "hello." Now that I think about it, all this might be FAR worse than just saying the freaking word.
This has happened to me more times than I can count. I'll have decided that I'll overcome the fear of a rejected hello, say "HEY!" and they just keep walking. I'm sure its just a case of the person not seeing me, but nonetheless up goes my barrier, and a simple hello now becomes a knot in my stomach. So, if you've ever seen me in public (because I'm just so popular) and have seen me look at you and then quickly look away, I promise it's not because I think "Well, I'm just too good to been seen in public speaking to that person" its more like "oh my god, if I see them, they see me, I say hello, and then they just keep walking, or THEY quickly look away, I'll be so embarrassed." So I just avoid all of that nonsense and I choose to be the walker-awayer.
Another thing that happens is that if I don't have anything to say, I don't try to make small talk. So it's extremely awkward meeting new people sometimes, or even just seeing people I haven't seen in awhile. Often times, the acquaintance will ask me a very mundane question, "So, do you live in town?" and my answer is "yes." I guess I just don't have the brain capacity to reciprocate the question. So the acquaintance will then ask "So.... do you have any relatives in the area? How do you like living here?" "Yes, and I do I love the area." Again, why don't I ask the acquaintance about themselves? I have no clue, maybe again I'm afraid I'll ask a REALLY stupid question and then have them think I'm weird. So instead of asking about their lives, I just stay silent. Again it comes off as arrogance, when really its just me struggling through my brain and why it does what it does.
Alright, so to get to my point. A lot of people mistake shyness from people as arrogance, "Oh, she thinks she's too good for me" when in fact it's the complete OPPOSITE. I'm constantly thinking that everyone is too good for ME, as does everyone else who suffers from "compulsive shyness." The silence comes off as me not wanting to have a conversation with you, when in fact I'm dying to communicate but can't figure out how to. Maybe everyone suffers from this sort of thing to a certain extent. I'm in constant fear of upsetting someone with my words, having someone say something hurtful to me, or sounding like a lunatic.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I have NOT mastered verbal communication skills. Everything is inside my head. I know that's not the best place for things to stay, but until I figure out how to go about conversation without feeling like I sound totally looney I'll have to remain as my shy self. This really puts a damper on me trying to show love to everyone. How can I show someone love when I'm too shy to even say hello? It's something I've been trying to sort out wit God for the longest time, just hoping for a breakthrough one day. Unfortunately, I don't think this is a breakthrough kinda thing. It's going to be a long process of small steps towards becoming that kind of a person. Until then, I will continue to show love through interpretive dance. Heh, just kidding.
Until my next post...
Cheers.
Whether it's a stranger or someone I've known for years and years, and I see them randomly somewhere I am not expecting to see them and we make eye contact I'll either 1. turn my glance away quickly before they've noticed or 2. Dammit, we both made eye contact and now we have to say hello. NOW, depending on how well I know the person I'll actually stop to say hello without any hesitation and carry out small talk (I think small talk is so awkward). But usually what happens is that I'm completely afraid that if I stop and say hello to said person, they will just keep walking and I'll look like an idiot in front of what I'm sure is EVERYONE in the mall,who just so happened to stop what they were doing to watch this incident go down. Yes, this is actually what runs through my mind in the span of 0.2 seconds while I decide whether or not to merely say HELLO to you. And saying hello to a complete stranger who has smiled at me? Out of the question. I may smile awkwardly back at them and quickly pace away, but never would I ever say "hello." Now that I think about it, all this might be FAR worse than just saying the freaking word.
This has happened to me more times than I can count. I'll have decided that I'll overcome the fear of a rejected hello, say "HEY!" and they just keep walking. I'm sure its just a case of the person not seeing me, but nonetheless up goes my barrier, and a simple hello now becomes a knot in my stomach. So, if you've ever seen me in public (because I'm just so popular) and have seen me look at you and then quickly look away, I promise it's not because I think "Well, I'm just too good to been seen in public speaking to that person" its more like "oh my god, if I see them, they see me, I say hello, and then they just keep walking, or THEY quickly look away, I'll be so embarrassed." So I just avoid all of that nonsense and I choose to be the walker-awayer.
Another thing that happens is that if I don't have anything to say, I don't try to make small talk. So it's extremely awkward meeting new people sometimes, or even just seeing people I haven't seen in awhile. Often times, the acquaintance will ask me a very mundane question, "So, do you live in town?" and my answer is "yes." I guess I just don't have the brain capacity to reciprocate the question. So the acquaintance will then ask "So.... do you have any relatives in the area? How do you like living here?" "Yes, and I do I love the area." Again, why don't I ask the acquaintance about themselves? I have no clue, maybe again I'm afraid I'll ask a REALLY stupid question and then have them think I'm weird. So instead of asking about their lives, I just stay silent. Again it comes off as arrogance, when really its just me struggling through my brain and why it does what it does.
Alright, so to get to my point. A lot of people mistake shyness from people as arrogance, "Oh, she thinks she's too good for me" when in fact it's the complete OPPOSITE. I'm constantly thinking that everyone is too good for ME, as does everyone else who suffers from "compulsive shyness." The silence comes off as me not wanting to have a conversation with you, when in fact I'm dying to communicate but can't figure out how to. Maybe everyone suffers from this sort of thing to a certain extent. I'm in constant fear of upsetting someone with my words, having someone say something hurtful to me, or sounding like a lunatic.
I've said this before, and I'll say it again. I have NOT mastered verbal communication skills. Everything is inside my head. I know that's not the best place for things to stay, but until I figure out how to go about conversation without feeling like I sound totally looney I'll have to remain as my shy self. This really puts a damper on me trying to show love to everyone. How can I show someone love when I'm too shy to even say hello? It's something I've been trying to sort out wit God for the longest time, just hoping for a breakthrough one day. Unfortunately, I don't think this is a breakthrough kinda thing. It's going to be a long process of small steps towards becoming that kind of a person. Until then, I will continue to show love through interpretive dance. Heh, just kidding.
Until my next post...
Cheers.
Tuesday 13 March 2012
the "IZE" post.
Alright so I admit it, I SUCK at being and staying organized. Its just not a thing that was encoded into my DNA. If I look at a table and it has a paper, a book, a CD, and maybe some sunglasses on it, I get overwhelmed. Where the hell am I supposed to put all those random things?! Usually, they end up going on another table, or bookshelf until I decide to try to look at them in a new light and figure out spots for them. Why does my brain not know how to look at several different things at once and know where to put each thing in it's rightful, individual spot?
I REALLY wish I knew how to process things in a neat and orderly fashion, but my brain is a chaotic mess. I will start seventeen different projects at one time (I'm serious, last night I sat down and actually counted how many projects I've started in the last several months), yep SEVENTEEN, and not finish a single one of them. My enthusiasm in the beginning of a project is through the roof. I'm excited, I love life, I'm amazing, I love my house, I love my haircut, I love my pyjamas (kudos if you know who I am referring to). My optimizism is of no end. Until reality sets in and I realize that I'm trying to paint bedroom furniture, build a pantry, finish my basement, organize my mail/bills, catch up on all my laundry, learn portuguese, go through all the books I want to donate, oh and raise a human being. Then, I start to feel like I suck at everything and that I'll never amount to anything if I can't finish something.
For so long I've been trying to figure out the secret to being organized and I've come to realize, you either got it or you don't. Organization is effortless for some, neurotic for others, and a struggle for me. I have people in my life that organization is their "raison d'etre". Now, I don't want to be like that, the mere thought of that stresses me out. My disorganization doesn't overwhelm me to the point of insanity, but it does put a damper on my level of inner peace. I was googling the other day "ways to get organized", and you want to know what I came across? There are "professional organizers", what?! Really, these people come into your home, organize it for you, show you what they did and how they did it, and then I guess they leave? It would be awesome if they could stay forever and just organize your life for you, but unfortunately I suppose they have lives and families too. Seriously though, what a great idea for someone who is super organized, why not use it to make money? Now only if I could find a way to make money being DIS-organized, the only probable way would be to start a reality TV show......NEXT PROJECT?!
Anyways, I'm getting off track. How fitting that it's an un-organized post about disorganization. (Maybe THAT'S what irony is? Can anyone confirm or deny this?) After asking a few of my facebook friends how the hell they stay organized, I got a few good answers. First, don't start seventeen different projects at once, and second, prioritize. So I have started to do just that. I made a list of the projects I have already started, I prioritized them from most important to least important, and I have started on the first one, while putting all the others on the backburner until the first one is finished. Once I can accomplish this a few times I MAY start to try multi-tasking again. For the past two days I've been painting my bedroom furniture, a project I started last April. Please send me "non-distraction" vibes. The rest of my projects are going to have to wait. Well, other than the whole raising a human being, I can't really put that one aside unless that reality TV show really takes off and I can hire someone to be my personal organizer and nanny.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
ps. if you're wondering why I titled this the "IZE" post, its because after I finished writting it, I went to use the spellchek (so sue me) and it kept trying to correct all my "ize's" to "ise's" and there were LOTS of them. Organize, realize, prioritize. It doesn't know that I'm Canadian, not british, and this is the way we spell things.
I REALLY wish I knew how to process things in a neat and orderly fashion, but my brain is a chaotic mess. I will start seventeen different projects at one time (I'm serious, last night I sat down and actually counted how many projects I've started in the last several months), yep SEVENTEEN, and not finish a single one of them. My enthusiasm in the beginning of a project is through the roof. I'm excited, I love life, I'm amazing, I love my house, I love my haircut, I love my pyjamas (kudos if you know who I am referring to). My optimizism is of no end. Until reality sets in and I realize that I'm trying to paint bedroom furniture, build a pantry, finish my basement, organize my mail/bills, catch up on all my laundry, learn portuguese, go through all the books I want to donate, oh and raise a human being. Then, I start to feel like I suck at everything and that I'll never amount to anything if I can't finish something.
For so long I've been trying to figure out the secret to being organized and I've come to realize, you either got it or you don't. Organization is effortless for some, neurotic for others, and a struggle for me. I have people in my life that organization is their "raison d'etre". Now, I don't want to be like that, the mere thought of that stresses me out. My disorganization doesn't overwhelm me to the point of insanity, but it does put a damper on my level of inner peace. I was googling the other day "ways to get organized", and you want to know what I came across? There are "professional organizers", what?! Really, these people come into your home, organize it for you, show you what they did and how they did it, and then I guess they leave? It would be awesome if they could stay forever and just organize your life for you, but unfortunately I suppose they have lives and families too. Seriously though, what a great idea for someone who is super organized, why not use it to make money? Now only if I could find a way to make money being DIS-organized, the only probable way would be to start a reality TV show......NEXT PROJECT?!
Anyways, I'm getting off track. How fitting that it's an un-organized post about disorganization. (Maybe THAT'S what irony is? Can anyone confirm or deny this?) After asking a few of my facebook friends how the hell they stay organized, I got a few good answers. First, don't start seventeen different projects at once, and second, prioritize. So I have started to do just that. I made a list of the projects I have already started, I prioritized them from most important to least important, and I have started on the first one, while putting all the others on the backburner until the first one is finished. Once I can accomplish this a few times I MAY start to try multi-tasking again. For the past two days I've been painting my bedroom furniture, a project I started last April. Please send me "non-distraction" vibes. The rest of my projects are going to have to wait. Well, other than the whole raising a human being, I can't really put that one aside unless that reality TV show really takes off and I can hire someone to be my personal organizer and nanny.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
ps. if you're wondering why I titled this the "IZE" post, its because after I finished writting it, I went to use the spellchek (so sue me) and it kept trying to correct all my "ize's" to "ise's" and there were LOTS of them. Organize, realize, prioritize. It doesn't know that I'm Canadian, not british, and this is the way we spell things.
Tuesday 6 March 2012
my birth story
I woke up the morning of June 16th
feeling a little bit crampy. I went about my day, cleaned the entire house and
vacuumed all three floors of it. I was schedule to be induced at 7AM the
following morning and had a Doctors appointment at 2:30pm for a stretch and sweep to see if
that would get things kick started. My mom came with me to my appointment and
we decided to stop and grab a bite to eat before hand. While we were eating, my
mom got a phone call saying that my grandmother had passed away after being in
the hospital for a week with a bowel obstruction, it was just the beginning
of the chaos to come.
We rushed to my appointment and asked
if we could be seen right away, told my doctor what had happened, he said he was
sorry and performed the stretch and sweep and told me to take care of myself. From the
appointment we went straight to the hospital where my grandmother had passed to
say goodbye. It was very sad and difficult, she was so excited and looking forward to
meeting her first great grandchild.
Around 3:45pm as we were leaving the
hospital I started getting contractions about 10 minutes apart. I went home,
started getting everything together and we headed to the hospital where I was delivering at 5:00pm. The contractions had picked up and were 7-8 minutes
apart, and we had a 40 minute drive to the hospital. 
(my grandmother and me at my baby shower)
We arrived at the hospital around 6:15pm, I was admitted into triage, checked and was 4cm and contractions were 4-5 mins apart. They admitted me and we got settled and comfortable in a room. I requested my epidural right away and the anaesthetist came up around 7:45pm to administer it while I was still not in a lot of pain. At 10:30pm the doctor came in to break my water, at 12AM they checked me and I was 6cm, so they started pitocin.
(just admitted into my labour room)
(trying to smile through some big contractions)
(after getting my epidural, everything was wonderful)
By 3:45am I was feeling lots and lots
of pressure during contractions, the nurse came in to check me and I was 9
3/4cm, so she called the doctor and I started pushing at 4AM. Pushing was HARD
WORK! I opted for the mirror and it was the best choice I've ever made (other
than my epidural). I could see the progress I was making with each push. My doctor
was incredible, he coached me through the whole thing. He had one of my legs up
on his hip, Mauro had the other, my mother in law was responsible for hydrating
me, and my mom was responsible for helping get my head to my chest to bear
down. The doctor took his time, I did not have a
single tear and did not need an episiotomy. After 1 1/2 hours of pushing, I saw
her head crown and with the next contraction, she was born at 5:36AM. I watched
my baby come out of me, and it was the most incredible experience in my life.
Everyone cried, and she was placed on my chest and I started bawling. She was
perfect, she IS perfect. Mauro got to cut the cord and she was taken to go get
checked out, he followed to take pictures and so did the moms.
(she's finally here, after this picture was when the chaos began)
(Mauro holding Adalyn while I was in surgery, not sure what was happening to me)
And that's when everything went
crashing downhill, fast.
While trying to deliver my placenta
it felt like something inside me was literally being ripped out of me. And as
soon as it came out I screamed and looked into the mirror and thought,
"That looks like a HUGE placenta..." My doctor screamed, "Who is the
OB on call? its a placental accreta! I need him in here stat, she's bleeding,
we need to get her into the OR now!" He shoved everything back inside me,
and they rushed me out of the room. The last thing I saw leaving was blood all
over the floor and my husband's face. I will never forget it, he looked completely
helpless and all he could say was "Toni, I love you." I couldn't say anything back to him, because I was afraid if I did, that would mean it was it, it was the last time I would ever say anything to him.
As they were wheeling me into the OR
I looked up at my doctor and could see the terror and panic in his face. Now if you know my doctor, you know he is the most cool and collected person, nothing phases him. When I saw how scared he was, I knew I
was bleeding to death. The OB came in right away and tried putting my uterus
back inside me for 30 seconds but I was loosing too much blood. He told me they
needed to put me to sleep and that I was going to have to have a hysterectomy
or die. I looked up at him before they put me out and all I could say was, "please don't
let me die." And then everything went black.
I woke up at 1pm that afternoon in
intensive care, just as they were taking the life support tube out of my
throat. I saw that I was hooked up to about a million different IVs and
machines, and then remembered everything that had happened to me. I wish that
it could have been blocked from my memory, but unfortunately, I still get flashbacks of the whole experience.
At 2pm they let Mauro come in and see me
and he just fell onto the bed beside me and started crying uncontrollably. The
only words he could muster were "I'm so happy you're alive, I love you,
I'm so happy your alive. Don't you ever leave me" I have never been so
happy to see him in my life.
The OB that saved my life and my doctor
came in a little bit later to explain to me exactly what had happened.
Basically, my placenta was stuck to my uterus because of scar tissue from a
previous miscarriage (although they are not 100% sure that's the reason, it is
their best guess) When I went to deliver my placenta, my whole uterus came out
with it and I started hemorrhaging immediately. He told me when they opened me
up they had minutes before I would have bled to death. He said my uterus was
completely inside out with some of my organs inside it. He was able to turn it
right side in, remove the remaining placental tissue that was attached to it,
and stop the hemorahgning WHILE being able to avoid a hysterectomy. He said if
I had made a choice to do a home birth that would have been it for me, and that
there was no way to know this sort of thing would happen. Sometimes they are
able to detect it in ultrasound, but often it is missed (which was the case for
me) I found out that had actually put me into a medically induced coma until my vitals were stable, and that I received 5 units of blood, which blows my mind, because your
body only holds 5, and that I would have to remain in ICU for another couple of
days to be monitored. He said that if I wanted to have any future babies I
would need to wait at least 2-3 years and I would need to have a c-section.
When they asked me if I had any questions my first one was "where is my
baby??" They then told me that I would not be able to see Adalyn until
later on that afternoon. She was being looked after in the NICU, but she was completely healthy. It was only because I was not stable enough to care for her and I would only be able to see her for a couple minutes. That was the longest day
of my LIFE.
(Getting to hold my baby girl for the first time)
(Not wanting to say goodbye to her for the night)
(Finally getting moved up to post-pardum, and getting to hold her again)
When they finally placed her in my arms, I just stared at her, I absolutely fell in love. They
only let me see her for a grand total of 10 minutes, and then another 10 minutes in the evening again. They pulleda lot of strings to allow a baby come down from the NICU into the ICU, so I am so grateful to everyone that the hospital that made it possible to see her. I had to remain in ICU for another day and a half without her until they finally transferred me to post-pardum. Even there I was only able to see and care for her during the day while Mauro could be there because I was nowhere near well enough to take care of her by myself. My heart ached I missed her so much during the night. Finally on Monday morning, my doctor
came in and assessed that we were well enough to be discharged and we were able to come home.
The whole experience was very
horrific, but I loved giving birth and I love my little girl more
than anything. I feel mostly sorry for everyone around me having to deal with what happened, especially my husband. I was fine, I had no clue what was happening when I was in the operating room, but for everyone still awake it was a complete nightmare. I am so grateful for all the prayers that were received in heaven for me. I am so blessed for people in my life that when struck with something so devastating, they got right on top of it and began praying imediately, then calling others to start praying who had no clue who I was. What facing my own death made me realise is that so many things we think are important, are not. We can all die in a split second and none of it would matter. Everyday I try to remind myself of this when I start getting stressed out about the little things. I try to remind myself to enjoy life, to experience as much as I can WHILE I can, and most of all, always feel blessed and ALWAYS be thankful.
(Our first night all together)
Until my next post,
Cheers.
Wednesday 29 February 2012
I am blessed.
I may not have a lot of money, but man did I ever hit the jackpot when it comes to marrying the right guy. Like I've said before, I'm not very good with words when spoken, so I've decided to dedicate this post to honouring the amazing man that is mine forever. I often forget how amazing he is, and sometimes what he does goes unnoticed, but that has yet to discourage him or cause him to loose any amount of admiration for me. So if you are reading this chooch, I'm sorry if I have not payed as much attention to you as I should.
It's something special when you find a man, and you know that you are the ONLY object of his desire. For many people, that stuff is only in the movies. But I can say without a doubt in my mind, that my husband loves me, wants me, and cherishes me. I cannot tell you how great it feels to experience a relationship where there is no sense of disloyalty or infidelity. I can look at him, like REALLY look at him, and always see that his eyes are full of fondness. To know that fondness is for me, is a really exceptional feeling. He can choose to love whoever he wants, and he chooses every single day, to love me.
He helps with everything from laundry, to washing dishes, to changing poopey diapers, to cooking, to taking shifts with the baby. I could go on and on. We are a team. We work together, not separately, or against one another. I stay at home cooking dinner, while he runs out to the bank, so that I'm not having to do it all myself. We are equals. Not either one of us holds the other at a higher or lower place, whether it's opinions, money, everything. Living like this makes living with him effortless.
He is my best friend, seriously. I know, I know, EVERYONE says that. But really, there are very few things that I do, that don't include him. If I'm going out he's coming too, because why would I go out and have a good time without him? I like hanging out with my husband, he's fun! We crack each other up. If the boys are getting together to play poker or watch a hockey game (and they don't protest my involvement) I'm playing poker with them. He enjoys my company, and I enjoy his. I think it's important to actually like the person you are with, not just love them.
My husband is the most affectionate person you'll ever meet. If he could hug and kiss me all day, he would. He is always wanting closeness and physical contact. I am the complete opposite. I am not the most affectionate of people. Hugging is awkward to me, and if I get a kiss on the cheek from anyone, I quickly wipe it away because I can't stand the feeling of any small trace of spit on my cheek (I'm sorry if I've ever offended you by doing this. Now you know why) And, if I'm not in the mood for kisses, please don't come near me. However, I am so blessed to have him the way he is, because I could have a husband that doesn't show any affection at all. I know how much he loves me and is always showing it, and I wish I could show him that same love back more often. But I do know this, I love him the best way that I know how to, with the most deepest part of my heart.
For everything is he, and everything I'm not, and for everything he does, and everything I don't, I could not ask for anyone better. I am so happy he chooses to love me everything day of his life, and I will continue to bestow upon him my hearts deepest devotion.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
It's something special when you find a man, and you know that you are the ONLY object of his desire. For many people, that stuff is only in the movies. But I can say without a doubt in my mind, that my husband loves me, wants me, and cherishes me. I cannot tell you how great it feels to experience a relationship where there is no sense of disloyalty or infidelity. I can look at him, like REALLY look at him, and always see that his eyes are full of fondness. To know that fondness is for me, is a really exceptional feeling. He can choose to love whoever he wants, and he chooses every single day, to love me.
He helps with everything from laundry, to washing dishes, to changing poopey diapers, to cooking, to taking shifts with the baby. I could go on and on. We are a team. We work together, not separately, or against one another. I stay at home cooking dinner, while he runs out to the bank, so that I'm not having to do it all myself. We are equals. Not either one of us holds the other at a higher or lower place, whether it's opinions, money, everything. Living like this makes living with him effortless.
He is my best friend, seriously. I know, I know, EVERYONE says that. But really, there are very few things that I do, that don't include him. If I'm going out he's coming too, because why would I go out and have a good time without him? I like hanging out with my husband, he's fun! We crack each other up. If the boys are getting together to play poker or watch a hockey game (and they don't protest my involvement) I'm playing poker with them. He enjoys my company, and I enjoy his. I think it's important to actually like the person you are with, not just love them.
My husband is the most affectionate person you'll ever meet. If he could hug and kiss me all day, he would. He is always wanting closeness and physical contact. I am the complete opposite. I am not the most affectionate of people. Hugging is awkward to me, and if I get a kiss on the cheek from anyone, I quickly wipe it away because I can't stand the feeling of any small trace of spit on my cheek (I'm sorry if I've ever offended you by doing this. Now you know why) And, if I'm not in the mood for kisses, please don't come near me. However, I am so blessed to have him the way he is, because I could have a husband that doesn't show any affection at all. I know how much he loves me and is always showing it, and I wish I could show him that same love back more often. But I do know this, I love him the best way that I know how to, with the most deepest part of my heart.
For everything is he, and everything I'm not, and for everything he does, and everything I don't, I could not ask for anyone better. I am so happy he chooses to love me everything day of his life, and I will continue to bestow upon him my hearts deepest devotion.
Until my next post,
Cheers.
Friday 24 February 2012
Live in Love.
One of the most simple things to do as a human is also one of the hardest; to love. I don't mean BE in love, although in today's society that's hard enough to do. To actually LIVE in love, and treat everyone you come into contact with, with compassion, mercy, and grace.
Essentially, this should be easy. Be a nice person, when you meet someone new be genuine, offer to let someone go ahead of you in line, don't hold grudges, forgive easily and often, and treat everyone as an equal. Loving SHOULD be human nature, but it's not. There are so many things that get in the way. First of all, when someone wrongs us, we stop treating them with the love we once did. When someone has different beliefs or lifestyle choices, we judge them. And instead of living life in a way that puts the wants and needs of others before our own, we cater to ourselves. This is human nature.
To live in love would mean to go against our very nature and live almost sacrificially. This means that when someone has wronged us, to forgive them even if they haven't asked for it, no matter how many times they wronged us. A lot of people will tell me, "Well Toni, you can't just let people walk all over you." and my response to them is "What do you think Jesus did? REALLY? (Turn the other cheek)" and when people ask me "So if someone committed a horrific crime against you and the people you love, you'd forgive them?" and my response to them again is still, "What do you think Jesus did? REALLY???" He whole life and purpose was love. When he was asked what someone has to do to get into heaven his response was simple "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbour as yourself" Love, love, love. It wasn't "Well, make sure you hold people accountable for their actions. Make sure you follow the 10 commandments, and MOST OF ALL, DO NOT accept anyone who's choices, beliefs, or lifestyles are different than that of your own." which leads me to my next point...
There is a difference between acceptance and agreement. You can accept and love someone, even though you don't agree with the choices, lifestyle, beliefs etc. that they have. Christianity has gotten such a bad rap because many "Christians" have not been very good Christians at all. They have judged, persecuted, hated, even killed in the name of Jesus (the dark ages and the crusades), who's mission was the complete OPPOSITE of that. He was the embodiment of love. Have we forgotten that?
My biggest aspiration's for my daughter, and what I pray over her every single night is that she is a fountain of love. I want her to treat everyone with compassion, and accept them no matter what. That is what is important to me. It's also my prayer most often, and it will continue to be until I'm no longer here. Everyday I need to be shown how to love instead of judge, to forgive someone over, and over, and over again, to treat strangers with tenderness instead of aggression, and most importantly, to stop getting road rage every time someone cuts me off.
..HA HA okay that last one might be not be the MOST important, but man do I ever get pissed off when someone cuts me off.
Until my next post, Cheers.
Essentially, this should be easy. Be a nice person, when you meet someone new be genuine, offer to let someone go ahead of you in line, don't hold grudges, forgive easily and often, and treat everyone as an equal. Loving SHOULD be human nature, but it's not. There are so many things that get in the way. First of all, when someone wrongs us, we stop treating them with the love we once did. When someone has different beliefs or lifestyle choices, we judge them. And instead of living life in a way that puts the wants and needs of others before our own, we cater to ourselves. This is human nature.
To live in love would mean to go against our very nature and live almost sacrificially. This means that when someone has wronged us, to forgive them even if they haven't asked for it, no matter how many times they wronged us. A lot of people will tell me, "Well Toni, you can't just let people walk all over you." and my response to them is "What do you think Jesus did? REALLY? (Turn the other cheek)" and when people ask me "So if someone committed a horrific crime against you and the people you love, you'd forgive them?" and my response to them again is still, "What do you think Jesus did? REALLY???" He whole life and purpose was love. When he was asked what someone has to do to get into heaven his response was simple "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbour as yourself" Love, love, love. It wasn't "Well, make sure you hold people accountable for their actions. Make sure you follow the 10 commandments, and MOST OF ALL, DO NOT accept anyone who's choices, beliefs, or lifestyles are different than that of your own." which leads me to my next point...
There is a difference between acceptance and agreement. You can accept and love someone, even though you don't agree with the choices, lifestyle, beliefs etc. that they have. Christianity has gotten such a bad rap because many "Christians" have not been very good Christians at all. They have judged, persecuted, hated, even killed in the name of Jesus (the dark ages and the crusades), who's mission was the complete OPPOSITE of that. He was the embodiment of love. Have we forgotten that?
My biggest aspiration's for my daughter, and what I pray over her every single night is that she is a fountain of love. I want her to treat everyone with compassion, and accept them no matter what. That is what is important to me. It's also my prayer most often, and it will continue to be until I'm no longer here. Everyday I need to be shown how to love instead of judge, to forgive someone over, and over, and over again, to treat strangers with tenderness instead of aggression, and most importantly, to stop getting road rage every time someone cuts me off.
..HA HA okay that last one might be not be the MOST important, but man do I ever get pissed off when someone cuts me off.
Until my next post, Cheers.
Wednesday 22 February 2012
Thrive.
Alright so ironically (I don't actually know the defintion of irony so this might not be ironic at all), my first post is about bills. Wait, what may be more ironic is that the title of my blog is "Plans for Prosperity."
I have not yet mastered the divine art of paying bills on time every single month. My husband and I will have times where we're actually ahead of things, and then one bad month and we're back to square one; desperately trying to catch up with finances again. It's a vicious circle, and it leaves you feeling like a failure. When you have a kid, there really isn't an option to be a failure. So you end up feeling frantic (see post about selling buns of steel videos) trying to get back on track.
We've recently been introduced to a totally new and radical way to live, called "Thrive" through our church. Now you don't have to be religous at all to live this way (my husband and I are not religious in any sense. Spiritual yes, religious no.) It's essentially living with margin. Giving First, Saving Second, and living on the rest. Holy crap, right?? How are we supposed to GIVE our money away first, THEN save some, and THEN pay bills? Honestly, I have no freaking clue, but there's something intriguing about living this way. What I've been trying to do my entire life has just not worked up until this point.
If we really decided to live this way, I think life would drastically change for many of us, myself included. We would be living with purpose. To be able to give first, meaning that the very first thing you do when you get paid is give some away, is not easy for anyone. As I've said, I've yet to be able to do this full out. Christians go by the standard 10% tith, but I'm not sure it's so much about the amount that you give, than it is that you are actually giving in the first place. Now, to save second is where it's a tricky. How much do you save? 10%? 20%? Again, I think the same concept applies.It's not how much you are saving, but that you are actually saving something each time you get paid. Once that has been done, you live off the rest. Pay the bills, buy the groceries, go out to dinner, take a latin dance class, do whatever you want with whatever you have left over, but once it's gone, it's gone.
I believe that this way of living, for me at least, is the only way that I will learn to live with margin, and start living life with purpose. I need to stop spending what I don't have, and live within my means. God's plan is to prosper us all, but when we sabotage that with our own plans, we end up in a crisis. I've been in crisis mode for way too long now, it's time to change. So what lie's ahead for this family? Lots of praying, and re-evaluating our faith. How can we say we trust God, when we don't even trust him with our money.
Until my next post, Cheers.
p.s. for anyone that is interested in learning more about "Thrive" I've posted the link for the 3 videos that talk about it in detail
http://www.connexuscommunity.com/watch-online/thrive/
I have not yet mastered the divine art of paying bills on time every single month. My husband and I will have times where we're actually ahead of things, and then one bad month and we're back to square one; desperately trying to catch up with finances again. It's a vicious circle, and it leaves you feeling like a failure. When you have a kid, there really isn't an option to be a failure. So you end up feeling frantic (see post about selling buns of steel videos) trying to get back on track.
We've recently been introduced to a totally new and radical way to live, called "Thrive" through our church. Now you don't have to be religous at all to live this way (my husband and I are not religious in any sense. Spiritual yes, religious no.) It's essentially living with margin. Giving First, Saving Second, and living on the rest. Holy crap, right?? How are we supposed to GIVE our money away first, THEN save some, and THEN pay bills? Honestly, I have no freaking clue, but there's something intriguing about living this way. What I've been trying to do my entire life has just not worked up until this point.
If we really decided to live this way, I think life would drastically change for many of us, myself included. We would be living with purpose. To be able to give first, meaning that the very first thing you do when you get paid is give some away, is not easy for anyone. As I've said, I've yet to be able to do this full out. Christians go by the standard 10% tith, but I'm not sure it's so much about the amount that you give, than it is that you are actually giving in the first place. Now, to save second is where it's a tricky. How much do you save? 10%? 20%? Again, I think the same concept applies.It's not how much you are saving, but that you are actually saving something each time you get paid. Once that has been done, you live off the rest. Pay the bills, buy the groceries, go out to dinner, take a latin dance class, do whatever you want with whatever you have left over, but once it's gone, it's gone.
I believe that this way of living, for me at least, is the only way that I will learn to live with margin, and start living life with purpose. I need to stop spending what I don't have, and live within my means. God's plan is to prosper us all, but when we sabotage that with our own plans, we end up in a crisis. I've been in crisis mode for way too long now, it's time to change. So what lie's ahead for this family? Lots of praying, and re-evaluating our faith. How can we say we trust God, when we don't even trust him with our money.
Until my next post, Cheers.
p.s. for anyone that is interested in learning more about "Thrive" I've posted the link for the 3 videos that talk about it in detail
http://www.connexuscommunity.com/watch-online/thrive/
Tuesday 21 February 2012
my daughter has my humor
So I have always been told that I have a "sick" sense of humour. Well, apparently so does Adalyn. This is just a video of her getting a kick out of making everyone gag from her stench. Her laugh is infectious.
The Beginning
I'm not sure if I've tried starting a blog before, I probably have, but I decided to start this one for one main reason; my verbal communication skills suck.
I have so many thoughts, opinions, and conversations that all sound great in my head, but when I try to put them into words, they never come out right. Seriously, as I'm typing this, it's a conversation I'm having in my head, and because I don't have to say the words out loud, I'm looking at this post thinking "YEP, that's exactly what I want to say, and exactly how I want to say it." I don't know why that's the way it is with me, but it's something I've been struggling with my entire life... until now. I have finally found the secret to my success at communication, and it's called a blog.
Let me start out by saying that I am no English major, as a matter of fact, I didn't even go to any type of fancy post-secondary education, unless you count 2 courses of Real Estate, I do, but you don't have to. So I'm using my good old grade 12, English class writing skills. I also took a creative writing class in high school, that's gotta count for something right? Anyways, what I was trying to say in the first place is that these posts may or may not be written with the best structured sentences, or the best grammar. I am French Canadian, and Portuguese, the best your gonna get out of me is a mix of "close the lights, Pass the Pattat's (potatoes), and "você é um cabeça de nabo." For those of you with the fancy English major's, but no second language skills, google translate is an amazing thing. So if you are alright with reading something that doesn't make you feel like you're supposed to come up with some sort of thesis and write a 25 page essay based on it, than this blog may be something you want to check out. If not, than do me a favour and Por favor tomar o seu "bom demais para esse" cu para fora daqui.
In the meantime, I will be posting here whenever I get the urge to talk about something that's in my head, but I can't get out. Some things may be what's considered a "hot topic", sometimes it will just be about how awesome of a little baby I have, and I assure you, SHE IS AWESOME! And sometimes, it will be about mundane things like bills, and groceries,because everyone has those. You can probably relate to having to buy groceries when bills are coming out, and then scanning over your house to see what crap you can sell on kijiji or Craig's list and make some money until next pay. Hey man, my dusty collection of "bun's of steel" is another man's treasure, and yes, it was a man that bought them off me.
Until my next post, Cheers.
I have so many thoughts, opinions, and conversations that all sound great in my head, but when I try to put them into words, they never come out right. Seriously, as I'm typing this, it's a conversation I'm having in my head, and because I don't have to say the words out loud, I'm looking at this post thinking "YEP, that's exactly what I want to say, and exactly how I want to say it." I don't know why that's the way it is with me, but it's something I've been struggling with my entire life... until now. I have finally found the secret to my success at communication, and it's called a blog.
Let me start out by saying that I am no English major, as a matter of fact, I didn't even go to any type of fancy post-secondary education, unless you count 2 courses of Real Estate, I do, but you don't have to. So I'm using my good old grade 12, English class writing skills. I also took a creative writing class in high school, that's gotta count for something right? Anyways, what I was trying to say in the first place is that these posts may or may not be written with the best structured sentences, or the best grammar. I am French Canadian, and Portuguese, the best your gonna get out of me is a mix of "close the lights, Pass the Pattat's (potatoes), and "você é um cabeça de nabo." For those of you with the fancy English major's, but no second language skills, google translate is an amazing thing. So if you are alright with reading something that doesn't make you feel like you're supposed to come up with some sort of thesis and write a 25 page essay based on it, than this blog may be something you want to check out. If not, than do me a favour and Por favor tomar o seu "bom demais para esse" cu para fora daqui.
In the meantime, I will be posting here whenever I get the urge to talk about something that's in my head, but I can't get out. Some things may be what's considered a "hot topic", sometimes it will just be about how awesome of a little baby I have, and I assure you, SHE IS AWESOME! And sometimes, it will be about mundane things like bills, and groceries,because everyone has those. You can probably relate to having to buy groceries when bills are coming out, and then scanning over your house to see what crap you can sell on kijiji or Craig's list and make some money until next pay. Hey man, my dusty collection of "bun's of steel" is another man's treasure, and yes, it was a man that bought them off me.
Until my next post, Cheers.
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