Staying Home VS Going Back to Work.

There is more than enough information on the Internet to help you make the right decision about whether or not you should go back to work after having a baby, but I thought I would add my two cents anyways, and let you know you don't need a website or blog to tell you what to do. (Ironic? ha ha)

After giving birth to my daughter I fought tooth and nail with my husband that I didn't want to return to work once my year of maternity leave was up. My reasoning was mostly that I would miss out on getting to raise her. When the time came for me to go back, my husband made it clear that there was no way we could afford for me to stay home, so back to work I went, and it lasted about 5 months. We learnt a lot during that 5 months, and it ultimately helped us make the decision for me to be a stay-at-home mom.

While we were both working full-time (I had a job that was supposed to be an "at home opportunity" but in reality I was travelling about 3 hours a day, going to meetings, meeting with clients, finding places for seminars, etc. all for commission) we noticed that nothing else was getting done. I was exhausted by the end of the day. There was no time for laundry, cleaning, or cooking. I found myself having to use my weekends (which were supposed to be my days off) to do all that stuff. We did not have time for Adalyn, and we definitely did not have time for each other. It was getting to the point where we would come home, have an hour for us and her, and then it was time to get everyone to bed for work the next morning. I slowly felt myself loosing sense of what was important to me and to my family. I cried so many nights to my husband saying "I am missing out on my daughter, I'm missing out on so many experiences with her."

My other option was to quit the full-time job and go get a part-time job. I don't have any sort of post-secondary education so my options were either go back to retail or go get a job as a server. Here's where that would have put us; I would have been working in order to pay for day-care. It didn't make any sense. Hiring a babysitter would have been a little less expensive, but most of my paychecks would still be going out the window, and again it would have been someone else raising Addie. We also thought about the possibility of me going back to school and getting some sort of career, but we didn't have the funds for that, and I'm still not sure what kind of career I want. No sense in spending $10,000 on something I'm not sure of anyways.

So we sat down together, and wrote down all of the pros and cons of me staying home. The biggest con being the issue of money and bills. The biggest pro being that I got to raise my daughter and take care of everything that needed to be dealt with on a daily basis. We decided that the pros outweighed the cons, and that we would just have to watch our spending and cut out some unnecessary bills. I am so thankful that my husband ended up being understanding and seeing things in a new light instead of "what about money?" He ended up agreeing that me raising our daughter and making our house a place that he is happy to come home to everyday was well worth it.

With all this being said, being a stay-at-home mom is not for everyone, nor do I think that every woman should be one. I'm not going to shove how awful going back to work is down your throat, because for some people it's not! If you have an amazing career, are passionate about what you do, but you still want to have kids, absolutely! Who says you can't be an incredible mom, work full-time and still instill all the values you want in your children? Especially if you can afford to get someone to take care of the little things like housekeeping, daycare, and running errands. Going back to work means being able to afford much more, and provide more for your family. It means having more disposable income, but it also means having less time to spend with your family. I found out what my limits were after returning to work, what things were important to me, and what I was willing to give up. Whatever someone decides is their choice, and there is no bad option.

I have been at home almost 6 months now, and I can say without hesitation it was the right decision. I feel so much better. Everything gets done, and I don't have to wonder what I'm missing out on with my daughter. Sure some days I want to pull my hair out and wish there was a bottle of wine available to me, but I wouldn't trade it for going back to work. Yes sometimes money is tight, but I have learnt to better manage our money now that we have a little less of it. Whatever you decide, just make sure you stay true to yourself, and do whats best for you and your family.

Until my next post,

Cheers.

The Heart of the Matter.

I have had something that has been heavy on my heart lately. Actually, it's been heavy on my heart since I was a young girl, but it's just sort of popped up again as of lately. I'm sure almost everyone who reads this can attest to it. Throughout my life and a lot lately, I have seen a lot of people who's hearts are not right, who look to destroy others, who have done awful things to get ahead in life or for the fun of it, and who are just plain right nasty, being showered with adoration, praise, rewards, and loyalty from people around them, getting anything and everything, and being pretty well off in life. I tried to word that very carefully. My point of view on people is in their hearts, not what they have or what they can do for me, or how good they look. I know a lot of people that have blessed a person with one hand and slapped them in the face with the other. I know people who give to others just to hold it over their heads, and I know people who seek to destroy people's lives, and I know those kinds of people tend to thrive quite efficiently most of the time. I'm just really disheartened by it, because I know so many people who's hearts are so wonderful, who give when they have nothing, who love incredibly, who have so much character, who struggle their whole lives, and have people that will constantly not give them the time of day.

When I was little, I would always be asking God, my mom, my Sunday school teachers, and anyone that would listen "Why do bad people always get everything, and good people get nothing? It makes me think that being good isn't worth it and that by being bad I can get anything I want!" I was then constantly reminded of the many scripture verses that said something along the lines of "Your reward will be in heaven." and to keep being good, or I'd be grounded anyways (lol mom.) But there were times when I honestly thought "screw it, its not worth being good!" Now that I've somewhat grown up, this question has translated into "As long as you can put on a good show, and people think you have lots of money, it doesn't matter about your heart or how you got there." So basically my entire life's teachings hold no merit with a lot of people. I wish so badly more people could understand that it doesn't matter what you can get your hands on before you die, because they mean nothing once your dead. If you have stepped on everyone head to get to the top, there will be no one at your funeral Not that it really matters because you won't be there either, heh. And most importantly, your only reward is a mere 70 or 80 years if your lucky. That goes by SO fast. In the spectrum of the history of the world, 80 years is the blink of an eye. I wish more people understood that their heart is the most important thing in life, and that by serving others, and that having good, honest relationships goes beyond your life and into the generations to come.

The only comfort I get from God on this is that I know that it is not up to me to determine what is "good" and what is "bad". For all I know, something that I think is bad or evil could be God working through someone or something, heck He could even be working on me (He probably is.) He has everything mapped out, and His plan may not make sense to me, but it is perfect. Still, this will continue to make me sad, as I see more people who's hearts are not right, get everything handed to them on a silver spoon. I hope soon, God can help me work through this where I won't care so much about it. Until then, I'll just have to keep track on my own heart, give without wanting anything in return, and trying to make sure I don't hurt anyone else in order to get ahead in life.


Until my next post...

Cheers.